Getting a haircut is the fastest way to make you feel like a moron. You walk in to a hairdresser's that looks clean and smells nice, adn think "Hmm, even if it costs a bit more, at least the quality will be better." So you get directed to a chair, then a woman with a shock of bleached hair comes along and says "You want wash issit?"

You assent, then she whips out a magic bottle and starts scraping at your scalp. While she's doing this, she's clicking her tongue and fingering your hair disapprovingly. The problem with any hairdresser's in Singapore is that they all can speak a language that you can't, so they can go on nattering without you understanding a word they're saying. I suspect that while I was sitting in the chair, she was insulting the state of my hair. Probably along the lines of "Tsk, this girl, never follow the golden six-hour-wash-condition-perm-rebond hair care routine that we all have everyday". Whilr she was at it, she was probably telling the girl next to her how I needed to get a good dye job too, and ironing my frizzy hair with an industrial strength heater could help things on their way.

Then she grunts and leads you to wash the nice smelling shampoo out of your hair. The water comes out the showerhead at about a gagillion miles an hour, and its freezing cold, so you're trying not to squirm. To top it off, she starts scarping round your ears, where you're particularly ticklish. It's a very hard thing to try and preserve your last shred of dignity with the Wicked Witch of the Wash doing your hair.

After you've sat down again, and decided that you will NEVER be subject to any more atrocities, a guy with a shocking mop of what he would call "auburn" and what you would call "orange" hair comes up to you and says "I can style your hair very nice" That is the cue to run. Which I didn't. But it didn't turn out so bad, except for the part when he snipped something and paused for awhile. I was wondering whether to jump up and scream, but there doesn't seem to be any noticeable damage. Then again, I haven't seen the back of my head yet.

The point is, anytime you need to feel like you're completely not in control of anything in your life, go to a Singaporean hairdresser.