There are other things that I should be doing now instead of posting. Like studying, for instance. But oh well. I watced 40 year old virgin yesterday, and this is illegal on many counts.

1. I'm supposed to be studying

2. It's M18. This means that the censorship board left all the...bits...in. However, since I'm nearly 17, it should be ok. Unfortunately, my 12 year old sister was watching too. What was disturbing was that she found it more funny than gross. Which is hardly a good forecast of her future mental development.

3. My parents were watching, but not providing any guidance. My father was laughing very hard at the waxing scene, while my mum just looked grossed out through the whole thing. She has a very strong sense of propriety, my mum.

4.Steve Carrell used lots of swear words. Interestingly, the one which was made out to be the worst was "Kelly Clarkson". If it were Singapore, and the name played around with a bit, he could get sued.

Maybe, if I feel inspired later, I will dive into how the Japanese occupation affected SEAsian nationalism. But don't count on it.

Getting a haircut is the fastest way to make you feel like a moron. You walk in to a hairdresser's that looks clean and smells nice, adn think "Hmm, even if it costs a bit more, at least the quality will be better." So you get directed to a chair, then a woman with a shock of bleached hair comes along and says "You want wash issit?"

You assent, then she whips out a magic bottle and starts scraping at your scalp. While she's doing this, she's clicking her tongue and fingering your hair disapprovingly. The problem with any hairdresser's in Singapore is that they all can speak a language that you can't, so they can go on nattering without you understanding a word they're saying. I suspect that while I was sitting in the chair, she was insulting the state of my hair. Probably along the lines of "Tsk, this girl, never follow the golden six-hour-wash-condition-perm-rebond hair care routine that we all have everyday". Whilr she was at it, she was probably telling the girl next to her how I needed to get a good dye job too, and ironing my frizzy hair with an industrial strength heater could help things on their way.

Then she grunts and leads you to wash the nice smelling shampoo out of your hair. The water comes out the showerhead at about a gagillion miles an hour, and its freezing cold, so you're trying not to squirm. To top it off, she starts scarping round your ears, where you're particularly ticklish. It's a very hard thing to try and preserve your last shred of dignity with the Wicked Witch of the Wash doing your hair.

After you've sat down again, and decided that you will NEVER be subject to any more atrocities, a guy with a shocking mop of what he would call "auburn" and what you would call "orange" hair comes up to you and says "I can style your hair very nice" That is the cue to run. Which I didn't. But it didn't turn out so bad, except for the part when he snipped something and paused for awhile. I was wondering whether to jump up and scream, but there doesn't seem to be any noticeable damage. Then again, I haven't seen the back of my head yet.

The point is, anytime you need to feel like you're completely not in control of anything in your life, go to a Singaporean hairdresser.

Aaahh...

There's only one week left before the mid years. Anyone who isn't in a major panic should go for an operation. And the worst part is, I still have PW to worry about. I think PW is probably one of the stupidest ideas that MOE has come up with so far. They expect us to be "creative" and come up with ludicrous ideas just to meet the criteria for 'generation of ideas'. I mean, there's a limit to how much you want to do before shooting yourself in the foot. Or being a complete jackass.

Take my project for example. Using computer games to teach autistic children social skills. Besides the whole practicality issue going down the drain, the teachers who have read it think its a novel idea. I think its a novel idea too, but entirely inane. Computer games, no matter how good the programmer, can never simulate the actual human interaction. And, its probably going to create a dependency and more anti social behaviour anyway. But we ran with it because it was good for "generation of ideas"

And seriously, we do all this to what end? A mechanical oral presentation. Flexibility? I tihnk not. Every other JC has some PW guidebook for you to follow, with recommended format and everything. Doesn't this strike anyone as counterproductive and against the whole spirit in which it was thought up in the frist place?

I think the projects would return to being of a higher and more creative standard if they stopped the asinine grading and made PW utterly irrelevant for the A levels.

Today, Al-Zarqawi was killed. Yep.

For those people who don't know who he is, he's the leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq. He's not Osama, and al-Qaeda still operates, so there's not much reason to celebrate. However...

Lots of people have been saying some amusing things after his death. This is from the CNN website.
"Everytime a Zarqawi appears, we will kill him" Iraqi PM Nuri al-Maliki

"We anticipated that he would be killed for a very long time...we hope he will join other matyrs in heaven." Sayel al-Khalayleh, Zarqawi's brother.

"We are not sad that he's dead, on the contrary, we're happy, because he's a matyr and he's now in heaven" Abu Quadama, Zarqawi's bro in law.

I think some of the meaning of what they were trying to convey got lost in translation. Otherwise, they would not sound so banal.

Felda is now sitting on her bum in T16. She is trying to convince all of us to have lunch with her. Personally, I think she wouldn't even need to beg if she simply assumed her true identity and accepted that she was peiying. A lot of people would want to have lunch with you once you're peiying.

Since now I am very bored, and I have finished prepping my case, I will go into a detailed description of felda chay peiying, for those people who have never met her.

It would be most appropriate to start from the top. According to very reliable sources, it is a "mop". However, my personal opinion would be "bob". Except of course, bobs don't have feelers. Right at the base of her neck, on both sides, are two thin sections of hair that were left uncut. In short, it looks bad. Like cockroach feelers, except that felda is much nicer than a cockroach. She is like a Goliath beetle.

Let's take a trip downwards. Her face. Felda's face is very distinctive. She has 2 eyes, 1 nose etc. The astounding feature, however, is her mouth. Its size is only rivalled by the Milky Way. Her gleaming teeth are larger than the pyramids if Giza, and her saliva production would be very close to the Niagara Falls. The sounds that she emits would shatter triple reinforced fibreglass. Ouch, she just hit me. It is not good to describe someone while they are reading over your shoulder.

Felda's clothes are always the same. She without fail, will wear a white polo shirt, and a short blue jean skirt. Since I know that felda has exemplary hygiene habits and bathes 5 times a day, I can only conlude that she has a whole closet full of the white polo shirts and blue skirts.

But hey, what does appearance matter right?
Well, they matter alot to felda.

And we like her anyway

Sihui tagged me to do this survey. haha. I have nothing better to do now, so here goes....

Name 20 ppl you can think off at the top of your head.
1. Christianne
2. Sihui
3.Janice
4.Scott
5.Luvis
6.Kenneth
7.Vanessa
8.Jiazheng
9.Felda
10.Divyesh
11.Zhihui
12.Lisabelle
13.Faye
14.Kelvin
15.Elbert
16.Meng
17.Mantha
18.Bimin
19.Lydia
20.Barney

1.how did you meet 14?
kelvin - dhs 4l/m

2.what would you do if you never met 1?
christianne - explode in a fiery cloud of nuclear waste

3.What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
Barney and Felda - laugh

4.Did you ever like 19?
Lydia - of course, as a friend (i'm straight)

5.would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
kenneth and mantha - ahahaha! hmmmmm

6.Describe 3
Janice - fun, reliable, good listener, fellow jiazheng torturer in dunman

7.Do you think 8 is attractive?
Jiazheng - uh....no..i'm straight (sorry jz)

8.Tell me something about 7
Vanessa - She really really really likes salvador dali

9.Do you know any of 12's family?
Lisabelle - Nope.

10.What's 8's favourite?
Jiazheng - Awww...i think my info is out of date

11.What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
Zhihui - um..she never will, she's straight and she likes someone whose name begins with s and ends with cott

12.what language does 15 speak?
Elbert - Hindi

13.Who's 9 going out with?
Felda - I don't know

14.How old is 16 now?
Meng - 16

15.When was the last time you talked to 13?
Faye - about 2 weeks ago

16.Who's 2's favourite band/singer
Sihui - dhssb

17.Would you date 4?
Scott - NO!! not even if he was the last guy on earth. he would agree with me

18.Would you date 7?
Vanessa - nope

19.Is 15 single?
Elbert - no. he married at age 11

20.What's 10's last name?
Divyesh - Menon

21.Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
Zhihui - um...no...

22.What school does 3 go to?
Janice - My school. VJC!!

23.Where does 6 live?
Kenneth - yio chu kang

24.What's your favourite thing about 5?
Luvis - his slackiness. then the teachers target him and not me

25.Have you ever seen 1 naked?
christianne - NOOO!!! we're best friends, but i don't think we need to go that far, no.

Lots of blogs are very very funny. For the wrong reasons. So, I’ve done some parodies of the worst ones.

Ah Beng emo
I seriously don’t want to live anymore. Today, my dahling xiao za bao left me. It was a very very very very very very to the power of one thousand million bad fight. She wanted a coke, den I say, Noooo, Diet better. Then she say, You think i fat issit? Then I say, ah buh dan? Then she say, You MCP! Then I say, No lah, I jus like chio bu, that is all. Then she say, I’m breaking up with you. And then she slap me. So now my dahling is gone, and all that I have left of her is her bright pink hariclip that she left at my house that day…

Poseur emo
The grey skies today trembled with virginal agony as the winds swept like a plague through my dwelling place. Upon the divan I reclined, contemplating existential issues while my cat, The World Is Ending NOW gnawed at my festering toe. Long before, in the sepulchral depths of my basement, a great travesty had occured. Today, the misery returns to corrupt my very being, the memories like chainsaws through camel turd. Once upon a time, the me that is now lost would have been able to get past the tragedy, but no longer. On this midnight dreary I only seek to end it all.

Act Smart
I think that George W. Bush’s pre-emptive foreign policy is going to be counterproductive. There are dire consequences to his rash actions. The problem with the pre-emptive strikes is that it harms the economy of Denmark. Once Bush decided to bomb Iraq, we saw a dramatic decrease in the number of Danish cookies demanded in that area. Since Denmark’s main export are its famous butter cookies, this pre-emptive strike has caused mass starvation there, and many are suffernig from malnutrition from eating the surplus danish cookies. This dramatic decrease in demand is due to the fact that bombings tend to cause consumer fear, that Danish
cookies might explode in their faces.

Bimbo
oh my gawd! today was soooooooo exciting. First, I like went out to buy the latest foot moisturiser. Then I realised, wow! I’m actually already using that stuff on my face! So i’m like, so why bother? So i called up my friend Denise, and she was like, oh my gawd! You don’t use veruca cream on your face! And I was like, but what’s a veruca? And she says, like, its a kind of sandwich, the veruca cream makes it taste better. So I went to the kitchen and spread the veruca cream on the low-fat no-taste bread. It looked kinda like cream cheese, and I don’t eat cream cheese. But it wasn’t cream cheese, so I ate it. it was like, awesome….

password protected
This post is password protected. This means that you cannot see it unless you have the password. I didn’t give the password to anyone, because I don’t want anyone to read it, because its ultra secret. And even though anyone can access the World Wide Web, I don’t want to whole world, not even my friends So you can’t read it. So there.