The only worse thing than being lousy at something is watching other people be good at it. I watched that Discovery Channel kungfu thing, where men built like mountains smash through brick walls, men built like cats move like monkeys and women built like bamboo poles whup the asses of the men built like mountains. So like any other mere mortal who has trouble running the 2.4, I spent most of the time exclaiming and wishing that I too could deliver the ninja hammer-punch that crushes the ribcage and kills a man with a single blow.

Which tends to put your abilities into perspective. The only things that I've ever attempted never required me to have muscles or stamina. I mean, how much upper body strength do you need to lift chess pieces? Or how much lung power do you need to debate? I sound like a first class wimp. The kind that never make it pass the door in American high schools, and need to be directly admitted to Harvard at 12 or risk getting beaten to a pulp.

It is important to note that in developing cranial abilities for these weakling activities, the brain needs fats to construct and maintain synapses. This means that I have considerable amounts of fats elsewhere. Wonderful. Sometimes I wish my parents had dragged my sorry little butt to taekwondo class or something, instead of letting me languish into my current state.

Well, when I was about 3 or 4, I did go for this thing called Tumble Tots. (sounds like a brand of disposable diapers) It was to kick the scardy cat out of me, because when I was 3, I was morbidly afraid of stairs, escalators, and lifts. My poor body was forced to do somersaults adn flips and climb strange contraptions in the hope of making me the new Bruce Lee. Didn't work. I was screaming all the way, the last in class to manage anything, and it inculcated in me a strong sense of self-preservation.

I blame this experience for making me the wimp that I am today.