IMF SPECIAL REPORT: Singapore Prepares for Delegates' "Special" Needs
In the bid to give the 16,000 delegates a comfortable experience, our capable organisers have made sure that all, yes, ALL, needs are satisfied.
Local escort agencies have stepped up a major recruitment drive, with a target of 1000 Singaporean women to accompany the foreign delegates for the IMF/ World Bank Conference. This was a vital action to secure the comfort of all delegates, following the retriction of protests indoors, which were taken against the wishes of our most esteemed visitors. The owner of an escort agency at Orchard Plaza offered a professional opinion that demand for particular ethnicities have be inversed. While foreign escorts had previously been favoured, the organisers of the conference predict that delegates would prefer some local flavour.
Quoted from a veteran hand in the business, "Although we can hire any Singaporean woman above 18 years of age, we prefer women in their early 20s. This is because younger women are less knowledgeable."
The aim of this of course is to leave a lasting impression on all IMF delegates. Besides delegates carrying out their delegation to the utmost of their delegative ability, they will also return to their home countries spreading their perception of Singapore. Tags like "Uniquely Singapore" have to be consistent in their execution, which is why escort agencies are being encouraged to supply locals rather than foreigners.
The lack of protests would show the delegates that the Singapore government has run the country very well, and has everything under its control. Furthermore, we will prove that we have no lack of Malaysian water, with the 800, 000 bottles of mineral water that will be distributed. Escort agencies have been informed to ensure that the image which the local escorts project would be one of creativity, versatility, and flexibilty, which is the overrall image that is going to accompany the rest of the local workforce.
The Singapore Tourism Board is working on a new slogan, tentatively "Singapore, We spread warm welcomes and much else besides."
Based on absurd material taken from The Straits Times, 12 September 2006.
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