Ok, I just finished my internship and drew&napier. I've done all the possible sai kang you can do without having any legal training, had lots of free time spent pretending to be busy, went to eat some very good lunches, tried not to kill kenneth kang, and most importantly, write like a lawyer. Like so:

Statement of Claim

1. The Plaintiff being the first child of co-owners of 37 Symphony Heights #03-04 ("the Residence") was present at the Residence, specifically in her bedroom which is found at the end of the living room and is the only other room besides the masterbedroom which has an attached bathroom ("the Bedroom"), on or about 29 November 2006.

2. The Defendant being the third child of the co-owners of the Residence was also present in the Bedroom on or about 29 November 2006.

3. On or about 830pm, the Plaintiff walked into the Bedroom to discover that her bed, which is the bed situateded closest to the window found on the opposite side of the room facing the door ("the Bed"), was in a unreasonable mess. The quilt, inter alia, was on the floor and the pillows, one a normal pillow found bought at Robinson's and the other a special hypoallergenic pillow were found to be severely askew.

4. The Defendant was seen to be jumping on the Bed without the expressed permission of the Plaintiff. When an oral command was issued through the Plaintiff's mother, who is also one of the co-owners of the Residence, the Defendant refused to comply.

5. In retaliation under the Sibling Rivalry Act Clause 3.4, the Plaintiff took the completely legal action of grabbing the Defendant and hoisting her off the Bed.

6. Under these circumstances, the Defendant proceeded to hurl verbal abuse at the Plaintiff, inter alia, calling the Plaintiff a fat pig, a shit-eater, a doo doo head, and nagger ("the Insults")

7. The Insults caused much emotional distress to the Plaintiff, who will be claiming the following costs:

- Monies that total 2 months of the Defendant's pocket money, or the total sum which this honourable court will allow

- Bondage to the Plaintiff for the month of December, during which all of the Plaintiff's household chores must be completed by the Defendant

- costs on an indemity basis

JULIE CHAN LLC

29/11/2006

cxw/259912

Out of complete boredom, I conducted a through examination of the 3 drawers of my desk. The top one is locked, the second holds stationery from me and previous interns, and in the last, I discovered an ancient relic that used to be a Coffee-Made container. When I shook it, the sound was strongly reminiscent of rocks rattling in a plastic bottle. I hurled it into the wastepaper basket in disgust.

Hello everyone. I just went to Caltex House to watch kenneth eat rosti and a sausage. Ben is still not back. There are bright red binders and arch files on my desk from yesterday because we were going through the plaintiff's stuff. We just got our security passes, which by the way, can be easily forged, just paste a passport sized photo of yourself. The security guards don't check these in the mornings, mostly because they're afraid of being trampled to death by a herd of suited and perfumed beasts.

For the third time. someone has given kenneth the wrong name. His security pass, which is stuck with him for one month, reads Drew and Napier LLC
Ocean Towers #17-00
Kenneth Kong

The exec in charge of recruitment has told him that kong is a better name anyway. It sounds refined, unlike kang. which sounds loud. I don't see how you can get any louder than a twenty foot primate beating his chest on top of the Empire State Building. She walked away before I could point that out.

Ben has gone to court, both the Raffles Medical Hospital and the polyclinic, as he calls it. So today, according to his instructions, kenneth kang and I are to take it easy. Unfortunately, there aren't many things to do in a cubicle at Drew and Napier. I know the bloody affadavits as well as Great Expectations, and definitely better than The Great Gatsby. I don't feel so great. It's dress down friday, and even then everyone is wearing freaking stiff collared stuff. Hmm...bored bored bored.

Kenneth has been reduced to opening and closing the CD drive on my com. I have a lousy com. The interns in the other wing have the newer coms with the keyboards that have satisfying "clack" sounds that make what you're doing seem all important and life-saving. I however, have been creating tables on Microsoft Word, because my eunuch computer has no Excel on it. Anyway, Davinder Singh (who everyone here calls DS but Ben doesn't dare talk to) just ambled slowly by. Time to pretend that I'm actually doing something.